I didn't sleep for shit last night!!

So I get a phone call at about 4 a.m and it is from my ex. She can't sleep and wants to be on the phone with me because she says my voice is soothing and helps her fall asleep.

Well somehow we get on the topic of has she done anything with anyone since we ended. She tells me no she hasn't done anything with this one guy who kissed her while we were dating. So I ask since she opened the door how about anyone else and she tells me she doesn't want to talk about it. So I try to inquire about it and find out did something bad happen or what. All she would say was that she did do something and she wasn't sure if she actually wanted to or not. So immediately my mind starts racing to all kinds of places and what not. She wouldn't give me any more information about what happened.

So I was up all night trying to sleep but I just couldn't because I just couldn't get my mind to stop. So I am tired as hell and really unsure of what I should do. I know she wanted to take a break and figure things and go on some dates and what not. I had prepared myself for that but just the way she said what she said makes my mind go to a 1,000 different places and makes me feel a wide range of emotions.

So I may have gotten 4 hours of sleep if I am lucky and I probably won't sleep to well tonight. So I just am yet again for the umpteenth time in the last 3 months I am horribly confused and unsure where I stand and what I even want anymore. I am tired of this roller coaster of emotions. If this is a test I am for sure reaching my limits of what I can handle and truly about to say fuck it and cut my loses and just keep her as a friend and move on with my life.

But I am unsure of that and what I will do. I will still wait and see how this visit in a few days goes and how the one in May goes before I make any kind of decision. Hopefully I can hold on that long and see where it goes.

With emotional distress, thanks for reading.
Chris