My Mind is Racing!!

Ok so I just got off the phone with my ex and she has been having a bad couple of days for various reasons but that is not the topic of this post. The topic is something she said right before we got off the phone because she got home and her roommate is sick.

She was telling me about how this guy at work has been chasing her and says he is in "love" with her. The dude is 17 and she keeps telling him she has no interest in him and sees them going nowhere and there never really being a them. Well he is worried because I am coming there on Monday to see her and spend about a week hanging with her. He is worried that she and he will stop talking and he says he will fight for her and will always be there, she says she doesn't care about him and that there never will be anything between them. This is the part that hit me hard, she was telling him that there is no me and her that me and her are just nothing and that we are just friend and that she still has no idea what she want. That’s the part that threw me for a loop.

It threw me for a loop because here I was thinking that things were getting better and that me and her were on the road to being US again. Then I hear something like that and it just makes me think that we are still at square 1 when we ended 3 months ago. I am trying to convince myself that that was her just having a bad day and didn't really mean it.

I am still going out there to see her and going to hang out with her all I can even when she has to work her part time job. So we can get as much time in as we can so maybe when I leave or before I leave she will have a better idea of what she wants.

I am not giving up hope yet that there still could be an US again but there are moments when I want to give up and just chalk it up as it was just not meant to be. This was one of those moments. I can be a patient person when it involves something or someone I care a whole lot about. But my patience is really being tested and I am being pushed to my limit and I am unsure of how much more I can take.

After this trip me and her will get to see each other again in May for about 5 days. I think around that time depending on how this trip goes I might have reached my breaking point. I know there is still quite a bit of time between now and then and that a lot can happen. I am doing my best to stay as optimistic as I can and keep hope alive.

With a hurting heart and a racing mind, thanks for reading.

Chris